Lessons From Cato Manor

So it’s been 5 weeks of living with the Mthembu family in the township outside of Durban called Cato Manor. I’ve learned more in these past 5 weeks than I ever thought possible, and I can honestly say this has been one of the best experiences of my life. I never imagined that I’d feel such a close bond and that I’d actually become part of this family structure in only 5 weeks. I wanted to share some of the lessons I’ve learned from my family and from Cato Manor in the past month and a half.

1. You Don’t mess with Big Mama: This might be the most important rule I learned in my stay. Everyone in Cato calls my home-stay mom “Mama-Kulu,” which I recently learned means “Big Mama.” She has a heart of gold but is very strict with her daughters, which is why she eloquently puts it, “none of them have babies yet.” Trust me, you don’t want to mess with her. Two days ago, I woke up to the sound of her screaming outside. We all woke up and rushed out to see what the commotion was about, and found her beating up our next-door neighbor (who’s a 22 year old guy). She was screaming at him and continually slapping him as hard as she could. Apparently the day before he had called my 3-year old sister a “svebeh” (meaning bitch in Zulu) and actually threw rocks at her. Well Big Mama found out about that and she was NOT happy. She taught that guy a lesson and he will never set foot on our property again.

2. Saturdays are for Funerals: Literally every Saturday there is at least one funeral taking place. Saturdays are for funerals, and Sundays are for church. That’s weekend life here. I’ve never been surrounded by so much death anywhere in my life. I constantly hear about neighbors and friends who are dying for various reasons (some of HIV, some from accidents, some from violence, etc.) Memorial services are big parties celebrating the life of the deceased rather than spent crying and mourning like in most other parts of the world. Death is just a way of life here, and they say you have to learn to just laugh or else you’ll cry. It’s really weird watching TV because at least one commercial in every “commercial break” includes an advertisement for funeral services and discount funerals with cheery music in the background. One commercial is even sponsored by the Kaiser Chiefs (the big pro soccer team here) and it’s called the “Kaiser Chief Family Funeral Package.” It’s really strange at first, but you eventually get used to it.

3. Life in the “Ghetto?”: According to most people living in South Africa, Cato Manor is considered a big-time ghetto. It’s technically considered government housing, and there are some pretty bad areas called “Skwatta Kamps,” (which are developments of aluminum shacks and definitely not areas I’d be walking through at night), but Cato doesn’t at all feel like a “ghetto” to me. It honestly feels like home. A few weeks ago SIT put us up in a hostel for a weekend and there was a group of local Afrikaners staying there as well. When they asked us where we lived and we told them Cato Manor, they didn’t believe us. They said, “You CAN’T live there. It’s not safe for young American girls.” I guess I just wasn’t expecting this kind of response because everyone in Cato is so friendly and warm to us, and I think of it as home. We had to describe areas surrounding where we lived for them to finally believe us and they were absolutely shocked. They said we have an advantage that we’re foreign because they’d be beaten up if they ever stepped foot in Cato Manor. It’s good to know that us being here is so well received by the residents of Cato and that the people here respect us and what we’re doing. I feel like I’ve been truly immersed in the culture and it’s a great feeling.



4. Colorblindness: I had a really strange experience a few days back that kind of took my by surprise. My little sister Khansieyle (age 3) is very touchy-feely and loves to curl up next to me on the couch. When I sat down she came running up to me, plopped herself right next to me and grabbed my hand to hold while we watched TV. For some reason I looked down and realized a huge difference in the color of our skin, which I think I’ve sort of forgotten about since I’ve been living here. When I’m conversing or hanging out with the family I don’t think of myself as some white girl living in their house, but just as one of the family. It’s when I look down at myself holding Khansieyle’s hand or look at myself in a picture with the family, I realize how much I stick out and how white I really am. Not that I’ve been considering myself African, I just haven’t been thinking about race in any way and I’ve really been colorblind here. It sounds funny, but those little things like looking at a picture and looking at our hands really had an impact on me.

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5. Ubuntu: This is the best philosophy I’ve ever known and by far the most valuable thing South Africa has taught me so far. Ubuntu is a way of life and a humanist state of being according to Zulu culture. When translated, it means “I am what I am because of what we all are.” It’s very hard to understand the concept at first and before coming to Cato and living with my family I knew what it was but never truly understood it. It’s hard for me to describe so I’m going to give you explanations by some well known figures in South Africa:

Archbishop Desmond Tutu: “Ubuntu - the essence of being human. Ubuntu speaks particularly about the fact that you can't exist as a human being in isolation. It speaks about our interconnectedness. You can't be human all by yourself. We think of ourselves far too frequently as just individuals, separated from one another, whereas you are connected and what you do affects the whole world. When you do well, it spreads out; it is for the whole of humanity.”

Nelson Mandela: “A traveler through a country would stop at a village and he didn't have to ask for food or for water. Once he stops, the people give him food, entertain him. That is one aspect of Ubuntu but it will have various aspects. Ubuntu does not mean that people should not enrich themselves. The question therefore is: Are you going to do so in order to enable the community around you to be able to improve?”

The past five weeks have really taught me to understand the meaning of Ubuntu. It had different meanings to different people, and the best way I can personally define it is, “I am who I am because of others.” My experiences and accounts with other people have had a profound influence on my life and have shaped me into who I am now.
So those are the five biggest things I’ve taken away from my stay in Cato Manor. It’s going to be really hard saying good-bye to my family on Monday morning, but I’ve gained so much from this experience that I’ll always be able to look back on this and be grateful to them. I’ll also be living in Durban for my independent study so I’ll have opportunities to go back and visit from time to time. Next week we have 2 rural homestays in two different locations and then we will be spending the following weekend hiking and camping in the Drakensburg Mountains, which look absolutely beautiful. I’ll be sure to blog again when I return.